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Unemployment Blues: Maintaining Emotional Balance |
By:
Virginia Bola, PsyD |
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When we are under stress, we start to experience wide swings in
mood. In a new relationship, for example, we are ecstatic when
the telephone rings, depressed and tearful when we don't hear
anything for two or three days. When we are ill, we are elated
when tests come back negative, fearful and exhausted when a
problem is identified. Working under a demanding tyrant, we are
upbeat with any hint of praise and despondent when the
inevitable criticism splashes in our faces.
The pervasiveness of being out of work touches so many parts of
our lives: our finances, our family, our egos, and our inner
sense of self. Because the anxiety of unemployment reaches to
the core of our comfortable lifestyles, we suffer from a
changing array of intense emotional ups and downs.
Some kind of emotional balance is necessary if we are to stay
healthy, maintain our relationships, and be able to effectively
function in job search. Reaching such a balance is difficult and
made more so by our own inner turmoil. How do we re-establish
that balance that will make us feel like our old selves, whole,
optimistic, and complete?
Here are a couple of strategies to try.
1. Regain a broader perspective.
When we are confronted by a host of problems, we tend to put on
blinders and only see the obstacles that are staring us in the
face. We lose touch with what else is happening in the greater
world we inhabit. Our conversation narrows to the one subject
that dogs us night and day - the need to find work. Friends
become bored with our egocentric outlook and relationships
suffer from our obsession with our present misfortune. We may
become prickly because of the fear and anger we are
experiencing. We may still harbor anger at being laid off and
our bitterness seeps into the affectionate ties we have with
others.
Despite the discomfort and dangers of your present situation,
remember that a whole universe exists out there that is totally
ignorant and indifferent to your fate. Try to live in both
worlds. During the time you have scheduled for job search, make
that your total focus. For the rest of the day, enlarge your
view to see what else is happening around you.
Read the newspaper, watch the news, keep up with a changing
world. Spend time finding out what is happening in your
children's lives and how the workday went for your spouse. Take
a walk and visit with neighbors to talk about local events and
community politics. Not only will you be more welcome when you
are no longer totally consumed by your jobless state, but you
will feel more like your old self, a cog in the real world
rather than an isolated alien.
2. Develop your empathy.
We all need to learn, as the old adage says, to "walk a mile in
another's moccasins." You are so anxious and fearful about the
future that it is easy to dismiss the worries of others that
seem petty in comparison. Remember that to someone who has just
been diagnosed with a terminal disease, your layoff may seem
trivial. The significance of our problems is always relative.
Because they are so close to us, and dominate our minds, we tend
to feel that OUR problems are the biggest and that no one really
understands the challenges we face.
To turn our backs on our own concerns, at least occasionally,
and to reach out to understand and help others with their own
difficulties, gives us some distance from the ballooning fears
that threaten to overwhelm us. Distance confers objectivity and
detachment, qualities we desperately need if we are to develop
creative solutions.
Bury yourself for a while in the problems of others and you
start to see that nothing is quite as awful as those who are
involved believe it is. You'll find that, as a dispassionate
outsider, you can readily see the options and alternatives
available.
Your teenaged daughter's devastation over her boyfriend's
rejection may seem like a gross over-reaction. Try to look at it
from her point of view and you'll notice the similarity to your
own situation - the pain and discomfort of a personal world
turned upside down.
Explore the frustration and anger of your brother-in-law's
stymied career and you'll experience the same emotional
dejection at his lack of success as you feel after an interview
that didn't look promising.
Our problem-solving abilities thrive with practice and helping
others is a marvelous way to develop your own skills while
giving them your much needed support. Start to personally
identify with the victims of natural disasters who not only have
no job, but are also without a roof over their head and
desperately missing loved ones who were lost.
Every time we move a little out of our circumscribed personal
worlds, our vision expands and our problems shrink in
comparison, allowing us to rise above them and deal with them
forcefully as we never can when they loom large and
insurmountable.
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Article Source: http://www.friendsofvista.org/articles/article28102.html |
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