E. Autopsy and Embalming 28. Anticipate that you may be requested by the hospital to allow an autopsy to be performed. Jewish law is very clear in this regard. Since, in most cases, the cause of death is known, no specific benefit would obtain from performing an autopsy. Under these conditions autopsies are forbidden. 29. Accept that an autopsy is not only permitted but considered a mitzvah of the highest order when there are extenuating circumstances. These situations include death from rare disease or unknown causes, or where civil law mandates. 30. Consult with Jewish law about the concept of embalming. This practice is forbidden except when the funeral is to be unavoidably delayed. Even then, out of respect for the body, only certain methods are permitted. Since viewing of the body is not a Jewish custom, strictly cosmetic alterations to the body are unnecessary. Talk with your Rabbi about any questions or concerns you have. F. Wooden Casket 31. Decide what kind of casket to use. Jewish law is quite explicit in its demand for an unadorned wooden coffin. This ordinance is derived from the belief that all people are equal before God. 32. Lay the body of the deceased to rest unadorned for the same reason as required for using an unadorned wooden coffin. The deceased should be dressed in white garments (tachrichim) provided by the funeral home before being placed in the coffin. 33. Observe Jewish law by using burial garments for the deceased male that include a tallit (prayer shawl) with one of its fringes (tzitzit) cut. Modern egalitarian ritual practice may indicate that inclusion of a tallit is appropriate for women as well. 34. Select a tallit that was worn by the deceased in his or her lifetime or one that is purchased specifically for this purpose. Either is completely acceptable. G. The Funeral Service 35. Choose a location for the funeral service that is best for you, your family, and your friends. This could be the sanctuary or chapel at your synagogue. Some funeral homes also have chapels available for services. Services may take place at the graveside if few people are expected or if the majority of those who will attend live near the cemetery. 36. Meet with your Rabbi or Cantor during the period of aninut to discuss the service and other issues. These issues include special readings you may desire at the service, the eulogy, family participation, and the recommendation of memorial contributions. 37. Realize that the Jewish funeral service is quite simple. Its liturgy begins with the ceremony of kri'ah (kree-ah), a ritual tearing of garments, to express the pain of loss. 38. Notice that the mourner usually elects to cut a black ribbon provided for this purpose. If the deceased is a parent, the tear is made over the mourner's heart. Otherwise the tear is made on the right side. The torn garment or ribbon is worn for seven days following the funeral, except on Shabbat. 39. Continue following kri’ah in the service with psalms, readings, and a eulogy. The service concludes with the chanting of El Malei Rahamim, a memorial prayer asking that God grant shalom (restful peace) to the soul of the departed. 40. Invite mourners who wish to participate in the service to read a significant passage or deliver part of the eulogy. This is always encouraged, though emotions may make speaking difficult at such times. A mourner who participates in the service should write down carefully whatever is to be said. 41. End the service with the coffin being carried out by the pallbearers. These are people chosen from friends and family of the mourners. Psalm 23 is recited at this time. 42. Leave the place of the ceremony with the other mourners and family. Jewish law excuses them from the usual demands of politeness. They are not expected to greet those who have come to be with them, though they may do so if they wish. Rabbi Mel Glazer is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist who can help you navigate these difficult waves of emotion. He has served pulpits in the United States and Canada, and Johannesburg, South Africa. Feel free to call upon him for guidance when making difficult decisions. He is also available to officiate at funerals for your loved ones anywhere in America. His phone number is 1.877. LECHAIM. (1.877.532.4246) Rabbi Mel Glazer
http://www.yourgriefmatters.com
© Rabbi Mel Glazer, 2005
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