The childhood development scientists who authored The Scientist in the Crib, did so for reasons which apply to coaching as well.
While popular books about science speak to intelligent, perceptive adults who simply want to learn, they wrote, books about babies typically just give advice, heavy on the how-to and light on the why.
Deepening the coaching experience means telling the client more than when you're angry, take a deep breath (for example). A rote-memorized laundry list of things to do, doesn't pop up when needed!
In this case, if the client understands where emotions come from and why this strategy works, he can apply it to new situations and new emotions.
When we become angry, it's a knee-jerk brainstem reaction. Our body goes on red-alert for fight-or-flight, which takes our breath away. So, too, can attractive members of the opposite sex; sexual attraction is a brainstem reaction.
This fight-or-flight reaction is affectionately called The 3 Fs and I'll let you connect the dots.
When fight-or-flight takes over, our cardiovascular system prepares to hit, run, converse blood in case of injury, and shut down systems to conserve energy, including thinking, because thinking would slow us down. Our self-preservation instincts will always take precendence. If you stop to figure out what breed of bull is charging at you, you'll be impaled on the horns of more than an intellectual dilemma.
When we force ourselves to breathe, we're sending oxygen back to our brains, and allowing time to move from the brainstem to the neocortex, where we can think before we act, with better results.
For optimal personal and professional development, tell the client why. Don't just give them a simple how-to list.
About the Author
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here.
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